40 Things Not to do in a Haunted Castle
by CrazyFrog07
Summary: When the sensei are asked to come up with a new Jounin exam, Gai gets an idea that might drive the konoha 11 insane. It's 40 things not to do in a Haunted Castle...THE FAN FICTION! Chapter 4 is in progress.
1. Setting Up

READ! A/N: The list is not listed...yet. This chapter is sort of an intro so you won't be totally lost when the story actually starts. Not really all that funny...yet. Next chapter should be funnier.

List by: MyObsessionIsGaara

Story by: CrazyFrog07 and MyObsessionIsGaara (My God! We come up with the most random shit.)

* * *

Scruffy white hair poked out from underneath the mountain of quilts that lay upon the body of Kakashi Hatake. 

He shifted slightly making the quilts slide around giving off a faint fabric against fabric scraping sound. Early morning birds called in the distance. The soft chirping soon gave way to a blaring beeping sound.

Kakashi groaned, flinging his arm that smacked into the beeping alarm clock, knocking it to the floor. All in under .0003 seconds. Amazing…

It crashed to the floor with a clatter making Kakashi groan again because he knew that he would need to buy another alarm clock.

"Dammit." He muttered into his pillow. He sat up scratching his white hair and leaned over the side of the bed to inspect the damage he had inflected on the small machine.

Yep, just as he thought. He would be buying a new alarm clock soon.

"Perfect…" He mumbled sarcastically.

After quickly sweeping the fragments of the poor clock, he took a quick shower, then headed downstairs for breakfast.

He was in the middle of sluggishly chewing his toast when a knock sounded at his door. His gaze quickly left the Icha Icha Paradise book that he had propped open on the table to his front door.

Another knock sounded before Kakashi decided to push himself away from the table's edge. He looked around for something to cover his face with. He quickly spotted a pillow case lying in the laundry hamper. Hey it would work.

Kakashi opened the door just as the messenger-nin was about to knock again. The man's fist was a couple inches away from Kakashi's pillow case covered nose.

The messenger-nin blinked in surprise when he saw Kakashi's choice of clothing. A grin spread across his face before he composed himself and cleared his throat.

"Mission from the Hokage." The messenger-nin said.

Kakashi nodded to show he was listening

"You are to meet at the Hokage's office at 11:45 a.m. later today." The messenger-nin went on. "Kurenai Yuhi, Ibiki Morino, Gai Maito, and Yamato…" The messenger held a confused expression when got to Yamato's name.

"It's okay, I don't know his last name ether, and I'm on the same team as him." Kakashi said nonchalantly.

Relief washed over the man's face as he bowed and said goodbye.

Kakashi bowed back and went back inside closing the door behind him. He stood at his closed door taking a moment to think.

"This must be an important mission if it involves the other sensei and Ibiki." Kakashi thought out loud.

-0-

It was around 12:22 before Kakashi's masked face popped through the door.

"LATE AGAIN MY RIVAL!" Gai bellowed pointing an accusing finger in Kakashi's direction.

The other sensei just sighed and turned to Tsunade who was rustling through the pile of papers that littered her desk.

Tsunade stopped looking through the papers and turned her attention to the newcomer. She closed her eyes and sighed.

"Now that you all are here, I can get on with I need to discuss with you all." Tsunade said re-opening her eyes.

Yamato coughed and Tsunade went on.

"As you know the Jonin exams are coming up and I need something new to do. The exams that we give are to easy and not to mention old, so I need new idea's for exams." Tsunade stopped and lifted a sake bottled to her lips.

"…You want us to come up with ideas for exams…?" Kurenai questioned.

"Exactly. So break for an hour and come back to me with ideas." Tsunade took another swig of sake.

The sensei started to file out of the room when she stopped them.

"Oh, I forgot to mention that you will also be proctors for the exam. Have fun." Tsunade waved her hand in dismissal.

The sensei gave each other quick glances before heading out.

"Okay, what the hell?" Asked Kakashi.

Yamato merely shrugged and looked to Ibiki. The ninjas' gaze fallowed his. Ibiki stared back at them.

"What?" He asked.

"You're the one who is the Chunin exam Proctor, give us ideas." Kurenai said.

"Yes! For we are at a total loss…wait no, I think I have an idea," Gai said.

"No." Everyone chorused together.

"But you didn't even hear my idea…" Gai said his shoulders slumping forward.

"We all know that you would come up with something completely outrageous that would kill every single one of them. No matter how skilled they are." Kakashi deadpanned.

"Ah! But you are wrong my eternal rival!" Gai shouted.

"Then just tell us the plan so we can shot it down and move on to someone else." Kakashi continued.

Gai glared at Kakashi before relaying them with his great scheme.

"It's quit simple actually. All they have to do is get out of a haunted castle alive." Gai said.

"What?" They all asked simultaneously.

"Okay, in this haunted castle we set traps that a regular Jonin would have a hard time getting out of. We could also pick off some of them ourselves." Gai grinned. "Besides it would be fun."

The sensei all looked at each other again.

"I've got nothing better." Kakashi said, brining out his Icha Icha Paradise.

"Me neither." Yamato said.

"I've got nothing." Kurenai sighed.

"Sure, why not. At lest It's original." Ibiki shrugged.

"Great! We'll present this to Tsunade-sama and then we can all go out for lunch." Gai said, turning back to Tsuande's office door.

Gai flung the door open startling Tsunade from her nap.

"I'm awake! I'm working!" Tsunade said scrambling to pick up the papers that had fell to the floor.

"We've got the perfect plan!" Gai yelled.

Tsunade sat back up and put her papers down.

"Shoot." Tsunade yawned.

Gai told her about the grand plan, going into more detail about the traps with a few suggestions from the other sensei for good measure.

At the end of the speech Tsunade leaned back in her seat and smirked.

"Hm. Well, it's original. We'll give it a try."

"YES!" Gai shouted pumping a fist into the air.

"But…how are we going to set this up?" Kakashi questioned.

Gai stopped cheering when realization hit him.

"Oh." He muttered.

"How about the old abandoned castle on the outskirts of the village?" Ibiki asked.

"Perfect…" Everyone grinned evilly.

The old castle was supposed to be haunted anyway, so they wouldn't need to do much to 'fix it up'.

"Right." Tsunade interrupted. "You will have a week to get this up. Get started."

Everyone left the room with smiles on there faces from thinking of many different ways to make this exam as much of a hellish experience as possible.

I almost feel sorry for the unsuspecting Konoha 11…almost.


	2. Rule 1

~MOIG A/N: So the original idea was to update every Halloween, but we sorta dropped the ball on that one. So now I have decided to catch up on these stories as much as I possibly can. I know it's pretty ambitious to have a 50+ chapter story, but CrazyFrog and I try not to half ass things. That, and these chapters will be fairly short because the more I try to add to the story, the harder it seems to become.

There will be more description and less witty banter in this story. It's all about the details, so some cacophonous words will be used. They * shouldn't * be graphic enough to change the rating, though they might conjure up some choice images in the more imaginative minds. Don't get me wrong, the funny will come, but it will be more situational and subtle.

Grammar time: cacophonous (kay-sof-o-nous) - essentially means negative sounding words like 'rend' 'bile' etc

_The italicized words are either thoughts, or are emphasized. _

* * *

**Rule 1: If a house looks dark and foreboding, the first thing that goes through your mind shouldn't be 'Lets break in and look around.'**

-0-

A dark, gloomy mansion rises from the cold, dank mist. The desolate rattle of wind through bare branches from million year old oak trees is the only break in the unfeeling, suffocating silence. Small, dark shapes hurtled through the air. The menacing CAW of the raven pierced through the air like a knife through flesh.

"…Okay then. Have fun kids!" yelled Kurenai.

All of the sensei had crammed their teams into a large bus and driven to the 'mansion testing grounds'. Once there, they promptly threw the children out the back of the car and driven off, leaving few (useful) instructions.

Anko was waiting for them by the gate. She took a deep breath and began to 'brief' them on the situation.

"You 12 have been nominated by your sensei to partake in the new-and-improved Jounin Exams. This test is similar to the Forest of Death in that you must survive until the time runs out. What is different is that you pretty much have free reign of the place, you are all in one large group, and you don't really have to fight any of your own teammates."

The group blinked, the Neji stepped forward. "Just to clarify, this is a _Jounin test_ that we _don't_ have to fight teammates in?" He sounded skeptical.

Anko nodded her head. "Yep." She smiled and flashed the group a thumbs up. "Good luck!"

Anko disappeared in a cloud of smoke. The wrought iron gates in front of the group creaked open and the sky immediately grew dark with storm clouds. A murder of crows settled on the trees lining the gravel road to the ornate mansion entrance. Naruto started to shiver.

" I don't like this guys."

-0-

"So Anko, what did you tell them?" inquired Gai.

Anko had poofed herself into the surveillance room that was set up to monitor the progress of the shinobi.

"I just told them that they pretty much had nothing to worry about."

"Good. That will get them to let their guards down."

Gai returned his gaze to the rows upon rows of monitors that were set up in the mansion. He tested one of the buttons, causing the lights in the library to flicker on and off. Scanning the house one last time, he caught some movement in the last corner screen.

_Probably Kakashi setting up the last of the jutsu_

Gai pushed himself in his rolling chair to a door on the other side of the room. He tentatively knocked.

"Hey Ibiki. The kids are approaching the doors. Time to get in there."

"Okay."

-0-

The group was just getting to the front entrance of the mansion.

"I don't think this is a good idea guys." Said Naruto. He was feeling pretty jumpy since they were told the test's conditions. He couldn't shake his 'this is a trap' feeling.

"Aww come on. This is gonna be a piece of cake." teased Kiba.

"But-"

"Be quiet Naruto. You're just scared. It'll be fine. We'll just go in and...hey! How do we get in?" asked Sakura.

She walked right up to the large doors of the mansion and saw that there was no possible way to open them.

* whooooooosh *

"AIIIIIIEEEEEEE!"

Sakura screamed and jumped onto the nearest person as the doors swung open and the stale air inside the building rushed out to envelop the group.

"Welllllllllcome young masters." came a creepy voice.

A man that looked suspiciously like a tanned, green haired Orochimaru was dressed as a Victorian England butler and was standing in the great hall with a lit candelabra, the only source of light in the chamber. He crooked his hand and beckoned the group to him. Kiba gulped and stepped into the room, his eyes shut automatically as he waited for something to happen. When nothing happened, he continued walking as the others started to follow.

"Now that you are all here. I shall go about my duties." Said the butler.

And then he disappeared.

"Well, that was weird." Kiba said, shaking his head. He stepped back and looked around the great hall. Numerous doors lined the walls on both sides with suits of armor decorating the place. A large oak staircase led to yet more rooms and doors.

"What are we gonna do now?" asked Hinata.

She didn't really want to go exploring in this place. After all, it was rumored to be haunted.

Sai turned to her. "Well, it can't hurt to look around."

"B-but. This place is haunted! And there's a creepy butler on the loose!"

"It still can't hurt."

* * *

So that's the end of ch.2. We know it's not that great, but the first couple of chapters are buildup. Hang in there, it should get better, we promise. Please R&R


	3. Rule 2 and Rule 3

~MOIG A/N: So I have become addicted to ZAGR fanfics... Is it too much to ask for one that doesn't have Zim dieing and one where Red and Purple are NOT the bad guys? It's either that or they are horribly out of character and Dib, of all people, becomes the enemy.

* * *

**Rule 2: Don't say the horribly clichéd line 'What's the worst that could happen?' Everything could happen and you know it.**

-0-

" I agree with Hinata. We shouldn't go any further." said Shikamaru.

Not that our resident genius was scared, he just didn't want to move anymore than necessary.

"What do you suggest? Sit here and wait for the time to run out?" Tenten asked. She thought the house looked interesting and the idea of sitting around didn't appeal to her in the least bit.

"Well...yeah, I do."

"Aw come on Shikamaru. What's the worst that could happen?"

**MEANWHILE...**

Gai was listening through his headset to the conversation. His main job for this test was to monitor and prevent. Prevent the group from taking the easy route that is.

"What's the worst that could happen, huh? Well..."

He turned slightly to the right and pressed a large, red button labeled 'Doors. Entrance Hall."  
-

**BACK IN THE HALL...**

The doors lining the walls flew open and slammed into the surrounding oak paneling (seemingly) of their own accord. Naruto jumped 5 feet in the air.

"Holy...! What was that?"

"I don't know Naruto. Now get off me." came the muffled voice of Sai.

Naruto let go of Sai and started to examine the interior of the door nearest to him, on the left. It looked like some type of walk in coat closet. A chilled air wafted from the darkness within. He took a step forward, only to be snatched back by Shikamaru.

"Hey, I don't think we should go any further."

"Why?" asked Neji. "This house is obviously been rigged by the sensei. None of the stuff that's going to happen here will be supernatural in nature."

"Yeah. We should just have fun and dodge all the traps." Chimed in Ino. "Anyway, what's the worst th-!"

"INO SHUDDAP! Remember what happened when Tenten said it?"

Ino tilted her head and looked off into space.

"Oh yeah! But we should still explore. Or at least get to a place where we can all sit down."

"And I need to find some snacks."

With that decided, Kiba took unofficially led the group down a dark hallway decorated with more suits of armor.

"I really think we should leave. I've got a bad feeling about this." argued Shikamaru

...

"And no one cares. Great."

Shrugging his shoulders, Shikamaru admitted defeat and ran to catch up with the rest of them.

* * *

**Rule 3: Ghosts don't like hugs. Remember, there should always be at least 10 feet between you and most apparitions.**

**-0-  
**

"Hey...I see something!" shouted a very over-excited Lee.

He pointed to a smokey, glowing mist at the end of the hall. A slightly sinister aura surrounded the group as they walked closer.

"I've never encountered this type of trap before." said Tenten. She reached out and trailed her fingers through it. As she did, a hand formed in the mist and smacked her wrist.

"SHIT!"

"There will be none of that young lady!" came a voice from both everywhere and nowhere.

A full body ghost stepped out of the mist and up to the group. He had long hair and was dressed in a uniform eerily similar to the one the creepy butler from before had on. The ghost was also holding a cleaver as big as Hinata.

"Who are you people?" he demanded, while scanning the group with milky white eyes.

"OH MY GOD IT'S A GHOST!"

"Of course I - dear god WHAT are you WEARING?"

"IT'S A JUMPSUIT OF YOUTH!"

"Why is he yelling?" Naruto asked Neji, who shrugged and told him: "Lee is Lee. You'll just have to wait until he runs out of steam."

"Does that ever happen?"

"Not really."  
-

"CAN I HUG YOU?"

The ghost cast a disapproving eye over to Lee.

"Absolutely not."

Unfortunately for both parties, Lee only heard the 'absolutely' part of that sentence and had already attempted to wrap his arms around the ghost's neck. A sizzling noise filled the room as Lee's body passed through the smoke. He landed on the floor clutching his face, the acrid smell of burning hair filling the corridor.

"WHY MUST THIS BE?" he cried.

Poor Lee's eyebrows had gotten singed as he passed through the ghost's body.

* * *

SO... I typed up rule 2 and found that despite my best efforts, I still did not break the 1000 words. So I decided to add in rule 3.

Anyway, this chapter isn't that great and it probably won't pick up until rule 5 (that one has an action scene), but at least you get two! XD

On another note, someone just ran across the street crowing like a rooster. At midnight. With a flashlight/hardhat combo on. And they were naked. This is what happens when you live in the country! Find the Invader Zim quote and get a cookie. Tell me the episode and get...TWO cookies!


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